Missing Mom

Today marks six months since my mother died from tongue and throat cancer complications. I've been dreading this day, and this past Friday my friend Jennifer's mother died after fighting ovarian cancer for over a year. I've slept a lot this weekend - it's what I do when I'm depressed. I know the first year after a loss is the hardest - you dread those holidays and birthdays and, finally, the year mark comes and you get through it and kind of sigh and go,"Well, I'm glad that's done with" and start all over again. I tend to do things like: the last time I did xyz, my mother was alive; the last time I saw this movie, my mother was alive. Now it's every time I'm out scooping horse manure out of the pasture, I think of my mom. I know - that's weird, but listen: she would have loved for me to bring her all the horse manure I could for her garden. She asked for some for her birthday a few years back and my grandmother was just appalled as I left a big muck bucket full of horse poop out in front of the house for Mom. My mother, of course, just loved it. Mom and Jerry, her husband before they married, would go to the circus, back in the day when my mother was a bit sprier, and get the "zoo doo" from the circus animals. Mom said she didn't know what they fed the camels, but that was the best stuff for the garden and I was always like,"You don't tell anyone your last name, do you?"